TikTok’s cookie challenge: Why some children share and others don’t

The cookie challenge is one of the latest trends to go viral on TikTok. In the challenge, parents test how willing their child is to share a cookie. Typically, two adults and one young child each have a covered plate in front of them.

When the covers are removed, the child has two cookies on their plate, while one parent has one cookie and the other has none. Most children subsequently either keep both cookies or give one to the parent who had none.

The big question these parents are asking is: will my child share their cookies with me?

Would your child share with you?

Sharing is all about giving up personal resources to benefit others. It is a prosocial behaviour that requires thinking about the thoughts, desires and needs of others, which can sometimes be challenging for young children.

Children need to use several of their developing social and cognitive reasoning skills to share during the cookie challenge. They must:

a) recognize they have more cookies than their parents do;

b) inhibit their desire to immediately eat their cookies themselves; and

c) understand their parents also want a cookie.

Cognitive development research has shown that children develop all these skills over their first few years of life. Even if your young child thinks sharing is the right thing to do, they may not be able to connect all of their developing cognitive skills to support their sharing behaviour when faced with a cookie challenge. So, if a child doesn’t share, it doesn’t necessarily mean they are selfish.

How do children decide what is fair?

Children view fairness as everyone having the same amount. So, when cookies aren’t split equally, what do kids think is fair? When one parent is left out, most children in the TikTok videos share their extra cookie so everyone now has one; children believe the resources (in this case, the cookies) should always be evenly distributed. But what about the kids who don’t share?

Sharing a precious resource like a delicious cookie seems harder than sharing broccoli. However, that doesn’t mean children think it’s fair to keep the extra one. This could be why we see some videos where the child takes the cookie from one parent and gives it to another. The parent missing a cookie wants one, but the value of a cookie makes it harder for kids to resist their own impulses to keep the cookies they want for themselves.

While children think fair means having the same, or having an equal number, young kids don’t always know what equal numbers are. Kids who haven’t yet mastered how to count are less likely to share equally. Sharing equally requires understanding how many objects each person has. Most kids in the TikTok challenge videos seem to immediately recognize that they have two cookies, and that they have more than their parents do.

Children do not have to count in the cookie challenge because are able to subitize, which is the process of rapidly recognizing the exact number of objects in a set without counting them. Only small sets of objects up to four can be subitized. If we were to try a cookie challenge with more than four cookies, young children may be less likely to share equally. Teaching children to count can promote sharing behaviour.

Do parents influence sharing?

No, you haven’t failed as parents if your child doesn’t share.

Children are sensitive to their parents’ emotions. Hearing their parent express sadness at not having any cookies evokes an emotional response in the child. The parent’s disappointment prompts the child to notice there is a problem.

In many of the TikTok videos, parents also point out that the child has an extra cookie. Noticing the additional cookie prompts the child to look for a solution. The combination of the two leads many children to give one of their cookies away.

However, young children may not realize the parent wants a cookie without being prompted. Preschoolers often struggle to think about what others are thinking — a concept known as theory of mind. The child must place themselves in their parent’s shoes to understand that they want a cookie as well. Drawing attention to another person’s wants can encourage the child to share.

Outside of the challenge, parents can encourage their child to build sharing behaviours. Researchers have found that children are more likely to share following a structured interaction with a parent, which suggests that parents encourage and remind children to share. Reminding children to share with one another (sharing toys, taking turns, etc.) can help promote prosocial behaviours over the long term.

Are only children less likely to share?

Some TikTok commenters joke that children who do not share must be only children. Researchers from China found that three- to four-year-old only children shared fewer stickers than children with siblings did. However, when the researchers followed up with the same children a year later, there were no differences in how much only children shared compared to kids with siblings.

Children with siblings may have more opportunities to practise sharing from an earlier age. However, only children can have other experiences that promote prosocial sharing behaviour, such as playing with friends or cousins.

Having siblings is just one factor out of many that shape children’s early environments and influence their sharing behaviour. When one of this article’s authors, Rebecca Merkley, tried the challenge with her only child, she shared without hesitation.

If you’re curious about whether your child would share with you, try the cookie challenge and see what they do.

Rebecca Merkley does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.

Liza Kahwaji does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.