Dear Margot Robbie, Please Let Me Cast Your ‘Sims’ Movie

Sul sul, Margot Robbie! I know you’re a busy woman, so I’ll cut straight to the point: I heard that you’re producing a movie adaptation of The Sims. I’ll readily admit that as a longtime Simmer who used to be pretty heavily involved in the Sims 2 machinima community, I was pretty devastated when I first read the news that Kate Herron (Loki) has already been hired over me to direct, and that she’ll co-write the screenplay alongside Briony Redman—once again, instead of me. At this point, however, I’ve decided to let bygones be bygones; as a show of good faith, I’ve already deleted the Cowplant I was planning on placing alongside their walk to work. Now that I’ve had a few days to grieve my own loss, I can happily say that I am ready, willing, and able to help your production for free, just for the satisfaction of a job well done.

On that note, please review my—again, totally free! you’re welcome!—casting suggestions for a Sims movie that’s sure to make fans say, “Ooh be gah!” (That means “very good” in Simlish. Does your crew know that? I’m just saying, if you need some help with this, you can find my X handle in my writer’s bio.) If you really want to make this project sing, I’d also suggest bringing back artists like Katy Perry and/or Aly & AJ for the most entertaining Best Original Song Oscars campaign this world has ever seen.

The Caliente Sisters

Read more at The Daily Beast.