Irish football legend Jason McAteer has bravely opened up about his mental health struggles after retiring from football. The former Liverpool and Republic of Ireland midfielder called time on his career in 2007 at Tranmere Rovers and admitted to battling depression and suicidal thoughts while coming to terms with a life without the daily routine of football.
"I just had no purpose, it was no structure," McAteer admitted. "The TV stuff, I mean I wasn't working every day of the week.
"It would be like maybe one show a week or maybe two shows a week. It was very sporadic. Days and days and days with nothing to do, yeah."
McAteer shared one emotional memory that underscored his struggle. It came while driving through the tunnel linking the Wirral and Liverpool where his child lived, , reports the Irish Mirror.
"And I got to the tunnel, that tunnel between the Wirral and Liverpool. My child, who I was keeping this relationship with under difficult circumstances, lived on the other side of this tunnel," he said.
"And I was driving through the tunnel, and it upsets me, because it takes me back to this moment because I can feel it. And as you go out the daylight into the tunnel light, it's like this kind of light.
"I remember thinking to myself, I'm just going to swing the car here and just end it. That's how easy it is. And I was fighting myself not to do it, fighting going 'do it, do it, do it, do it do it'.
"And I'd be like, 'no'. 'Do it'. 'No'. And I'd be fighting the steering wheel and I remember coming towards the end of the tunnel and it was like the daylight was opening up.
"And I remember coming out the tunnel thinking 'thank God, just thank God'. And I went to get my little boy, because I always used to take him to the pictures. I took him to the pictures and I drove home.
"I got to my mum's. My mum lived 10 minutes around the corner and I knocked on a door and I remember just saying, 'I can't do it anymore. That's it, that's it'. And I was just at that point."
The longing for his past experiences was palpable as he added: "Oh man, it was tough. Just like everything had gone... I don't half miss it. I miss... I miss everything about playing. I miss it.
"Yeah, I just miss it. Just like running, just running out, just running out, just free on a footy pitch. No problems.."
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