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Pity poor Karu Jayasuriya, who is having a heck of a time controlling the increasingly crude, juvenile, disrespectful and overly combative behaviour of many of the 225 members of the legislature. Besides having to contend with foul language, testy tempers and coarse conduct that degrades parliamentary process he now has to take on the additional role of knight errant and protector of the ladies of the legislature.

Now he is being dragooned in to holding a brief for the ladies while keeping his eyes peeled for the antics of the dirty old men in the Chamber whose raging hormones appear to be rising to the highest objectionable testosterone risqué levels. This follows representations made by several women members in the House to the authorities that they felt embarrassed by certain ribald comments and actions of older male parliamentarians.

A young woman MP has complained that a minister closer to the octogenarian age was in the habit of shaking hands with her inappropriately every time she walked past him in the corridors outside the Chamber and when walking on the first floor to lunch and back.  We are all aware of the salacious palm tickle when certain licentious males proffer their hands.

Yet in what sounds astonishingly contradictory to the conduct of these senior libertine legislators is that the younger males display impeccable manners in their presence and treat them with the utmost respect. According to the ladies they are the epitome of charm and chivalry at all times.

The dirty old man has long been a generator of laughs. British comic Benny Hill made a career out of eye-rolling lechers. Sitcom television is thick with thickening husbands who might dream a good game but no longer have the will or the skill.

Now Speaker Jayasuriya has threatened to get tough with any male political pervert found guilty in this regard irrespective of the party or the positions they hold. Indeed it is time that these sexually seasoned strategists at whose expense Mother Nature and Father Time have pulled a cruel joke, are neutered.

Everyone was aware that such pathetic libidinous geriatrics never got past any of their sleazy flirtations. This is not a case of grandiose romanticism or politics. These are cases of pure unmitigated sexual abuse and lechery by degenerate more than mature lawmakers whose lawbreaking conduct in the environs of the august assembly should be castigated or emasculated in some way as a deterrent. After all sexual harassment does constitute a crime as enacted in our law books and must be totally enforced even more strictly when perpetrated within the environs of the law-making assembly.

Oh, for the yearning of lost youth! Or rather the futile attempt at the preservation and elongation of youth and the postponement of decrepitude. Good luck, old men! I spoke to a witty woman lawmaker on the subject who answered: “The Yanks claim they put a man on the Moon. And some women legislators said if they put a man on the moon, they should be able to put all the raunchy political types up there.” But again the old lechers go one step further making a giant romantic leap for mankind by being over the moon with their fantasies of debauchery.

It is obvious that these leering lusty self-deluded, old rakes have been placed in the political paddock because of their party loyalties and committed years of service. Their unshakable belief in their ability to seduce anything in skirts periodically transforms them into the eternal secondary school Romeos. They are mostly unattractive, dull men who love to chat up and expect dates from women. And they aren’t selective about their choices either.

We all have our qualities that cannot be predetermined at face-value. However there are extreme situations and what makes them more extreme is the audacity with which these fossilised fools desperately and unrelentingly proposition the dames.
So what is the verdict? Do these antiquated men look in the mirror ever or listen to themselves speak through their dentures? Are they simply delusional? Or maybe they have managed to convince a few highly insecure females to go out with them through constant flattery and desperate behaviour and this has in turn caused them to have higher expectations?

It has also been said that there is no fool like an old fool, except of course a young fool. But the young fool has first to grow up to be an old fool to realise what a darn fool he was when he was a young fool. As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do. A journalist soon learns the art of human psychology by simply observing. As they say, a psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful woman enters the room.

Surely all these frayed and moth-eaten over-the-hill men are still at the peak of their earning power. But these old fools are in their dotage and have still not relinquished their yearning power. Yes gentle reader, it seems all too true that Mother Nature gives nuts to those with no teeth. That’s what she did to our old satyr assembly men who imagine they are God’s gift to womankind.
They still come up with their favourite clichés such as: ‘There is many a good tune played on an old fiddle’. Or another that went: ‘Women should be obscene and not heard’ and ‘a man is only as old as the woman he feels.’

As for the correlation between power and out-of-date politicians’ libidos, allow me to quote the analogy of a billiards or snooker player who was right on cue when he quipped: “Sex at age 80 or 90 is like trying to shoot balls with a rope!”

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