In this festive season, the loss of a family member or a loved one can be felt more and more. During a time where families get together to celebrate the holiday season, the absence of the one you love or care about will quite often feel like a stinging blow each time. This week, Annie received many questions on how to deal with the loss of a loved one and how to cope with the grief…
Jerome: Annie, in December 2013, my beloved grandmother passed away. She was my best friend and I miss her so much. Sometimes I feel as if I can’t breathe and the entire world is crashing down on me. Every Christmas, our family would get together for our special Christmas dinner, but for the last three years I have found it very difficult to join my family because the absence of my grandmother feels too strong. It’s been nearly three years but I still feel her absence. Why do I feel this way and how do I get over it?
A: First of all, one can never ‘get over’ the death of a loved one. We move on with time and get caught up in our lives, but there are times when the absence hits us so bad it becomes hard to breathe. During those times, you have two options. Either you allow the grief to wash over you and wait for it to calm down, or you think of happy memories. Think of all the good times you had with your grandmother. The times you laughed together. Most often than not, the happy memories help you cope with the present situation. It helps you survive.
Melani: Annie, last December I had a still birth. My husband and I were trying to have a child for over two years, and finally I got pregnant but at seven month, the baby died. I can barely look at myself let alone my husband. I keep wondering if it is my fault that the baby died or whether it was his fault. Why is this happening to me?
A: It is no one’s fault that you lost the baby and yes. It is hard to get over something like that, but blaming yourself or your husband is not going to help either of you. A situation like this is indeed devastating and the grief is unbearable. But it is part of the healing process. Grieving is not easy. It is long, unpredictable and requires a lot of patience, but it is also a necessity if you are to work through the pain toward healing. Also remember that your husband is grieving too. You both need to be there for each other at such a time.
Suranga- Annie, my father was my best friend. I am 21. He died of a road accident three months ago. This is the first festive season Ammi and I feel his absence much. He was a great friend and father who told me beautiful stories of the past at leisure time. I learned a lot about history from him. We pray for his souls. Both of us are lost.
A: We lose our beloved ones in shocking ways. Follow what your father told you. You must be a strength to your Ammi. Let her feel confident. The best tribute you could pay to your father is to be a worthy citizen of this country with recognition. Pray for him and he will bless you both from wherever he is.
Note: Annie would like to apologize for the fact that we cannot publish all of your entries. However, we will indeed do our best to provide as many solutions as possible.
(Having relationship problems? Parental Problems? Or even simple social situations that confuse you? Send an email to Annie at email@example.com with your woes and needs and Annie will provide solutions)