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Ravi karunanayeka | Anura Kumara Dissanayaka

Politicking while drugging a deadly combination
A political discussion went south at one of Saradiel K’s election fund raising drives in Kotahena and one person was killed while some others were injured. The Elections Commissioner said that he will increase the security of detail all other candidates from Colombo District to match the thug detail of Saradiel K.

Commenting on the drug deal gone south during one of his campaign events, Saradiel K said the violence was the result of politics getting in the way of a drug deal. “Apparently someone has said that I will increase the kappam if the UNP wins on August 17 and my guy was trying to explain that it was not so. It is just a simple misunderstanding. All’s copacetic, believe me not,” Saradiel explained.

Speaking further on druggies and politics, Saradiel K said that he had reliable information that Dictator of Mulana has planted a stoolie among his pigeons by the name of Thambaya the Pambaya.

Cabinet will be stalked
The Janatha Vedabari Peramuna (JVP) says that it will appoint a shadowy group to stalk the activities of the next Cabinet. The statement said that each Cabinet maker will be assigned a highly trained stalker. “If the cabinet maker strays from the prescribed path, we will put a note on his doorstep: repent or …..” the statement said.

Susil’s deal
Susil the Premawanthaya has denied that his election deal with Siribirius is a secret. “There is nothing secretive about it. If the UPFA wins, I become the Prime Minister. I have it in writing. If others are in the dark, then that is their baby because Sira and I are on the same wavelength on this. No confusion here and no confusion there,” Premawanthaya insisted.

Deputy Thambaya keeps sliding down the slippery (coppery) road to infamy
Deputy Minister Thambaya the Coppery One was at his unmanly best during a recent TV program and displayed beyond any reasonable doubt that he has mastered the gutter-dwelling behaviour of his political vermin heroes by repeatedly interrupting the female moderator of the program with now familiar nonsensical and utterly ignorant comments. Later he promised more of the same if elected. “I have no respect for women who wear polyester Kandyan sarees,” the gutter-seeking Deputy Thambaya explained.
Meanwhile, Merv the Perv, the resident thug of former Dictator Mulana’s Cabinet says his legacy of shameless behavior is under siege from Deputy Minister Sherlock Thambaya the Coppery One. Merv said that it took him over two decades to hone the skill of gutter dwelling but Thambaya has done it in a mere 100 odd days.

“In a way, it will be sad to be replaced so soon but I must confess that I am confident Thambaya will better my sordid record in no time. He has already acted like a Throttlebottom  by trying to sneak a container out of customs, lied like a rug on countless occasions, threatened a Police officer, and insulted a lady moderator on live TV. The man is a Snollygoster .  I am so proud of Thambaya, I could cry!” an emotional Merv gushed.

In more Thambaya news, Coppery one said that in the unlikely event of him being retained as the Deputy of Justice after the election, he will introduce legislation to prosecute all financial crimes through a system of public debates.

Boo! Hiss! Hiss! Boo!
Mahinda Samarasinghe, the carpetbagger MP for Matugama was seen crying over a handwritten note left on his doorstep. While most took that as a clear sign of a jilted love, the carpetbagger has bravely come forward to explain his sad and ungainly behavior. “I have been told by a person who has been told by another person who is close to another person who is very close to the person who had received a scarlet letter that said that if I came out of the closet and attended the rally with the Dictator, I will be boo-hissed. I’ve had a phobia of snakes since I was in my mother’s womb and these cacklers and hecklers have found my one Achilles tendon. I cannot go through months of pincushion therapy again! I will not attend that meeting! Mean, mean people! I hope they are happy now,” the former Minister of something or the other cried to a bemused audience of none.