1 Queue and wait your turn without rushing forward en masse and revealing that regressive buffalo gene.

2 Don’t spit/blow your snot in public – if you must share your TB and other pulmonary diseases, do it at home and cough and/or blow mucus in your loved ones’ faces. Same goes for betel chewers.

3Don’t rouse the neighborhood at all hours of the night – your bad taste in music, your bad choices in relationships, your need to use the loo and resulting impatience and the ceaseless blowing of your horn until the gate/door is opened; are all things you should indulge in/manage by yourself – and quietly!

4 So you are religious……. whoop de frickin’ doo! You will get your reward in heaven/the next life. So don’t inflict electrically amplified religious droning on others and accrue curses from one and all (also refer above).

So you smoke…..step outside! Everyone has a patio, portico, veranda or balcony if you do not want your tootsies dampened on the grass/street.

6 Bathe and use deodorant – no one else appreciates the garlic curry and pol arrack/cheap gin you had last night, at second hand.

7 Be courteous at the supermarket/shop – do not leave your basket at the checkout and wander off in search of the douche you ‘forgot’ to pick up, while others wait in line. Be nice to the trainee checkout clerk. You will find it’s much more efficient than bitching or snarling and further flustering the poor child. 5 or 10 items or less means just that – so count – if you can.

8 You love politics and have a definite view. Others do as well and, surprise, surprise, their views may differ. Don’t spoil the party by getting into acrimonious debates about which bunch of crooks, losers and liars is better. If you cannot, you may be one yourself.

9 Your children are your pride and joy. You find them as cute as buttons. Others, with a more objective point of view, may beg to differ. So when your little darlings start screaming or run around being a general nuisance after too much sugar or their ADD acting up, rein them in and give everybody else a break.

10 Falling  down drunk was funny at a big match or a Uni do. But that was 20+ years ago. Now it’s just painful to watch and a bloody imposition. Not even Alistair Campbell could spin the sight and smell of vomit as being something positive.