From Transparency International to Hypocrisy National
JC Weliamuna of Transparency International Sri Lanka has stepped on a big pile of ethical poop, and it is leaving a stinky trail wherever he goes. The prophet of good governance, accountability and translucence has exempted himself from being held accountable for any of his actions during the first 100 days of ‘Monapalanayada?’ As such, he will be referred to as WeliAmude. Basic facts on WeliAmude read as follows:
1. SriLankan Airlines has been wracked by allegations of waste and poor management for many years, but becomes a focal point at this juncture of history because the close links of the previous management and the previous regime.
2. The Government is looking for scapegoats to pin the tail
3. Ranil does not think the Attorney General’s office can be trusted to do their job.
4. Ranil squints down to see the Amude man crawling about Sirikotha. Aha!
5. Ranil appoints Amude and a couple of other controllable-non entities to probe SriLankan Airlines
6. Script is handed over along with Rs.3.5 million to the Amude Man.
7. Amude and his cohorts pretend and pretend for six weeks, and then release the findings that were given to them six weeks earlier.
8. Unfortunately for Amude, the media gets a whiff of the deal and the proverbial kakka hits the ceiling.
Merge Transparency International Sri Lanka with the United National Party and rename it Hypocrites National!
In fairness to Amude, it looks like he did not spend all of the loot at one single place. He did share the loot with a few of his NGO wallah buddies. However, most wallaha are keeping a low profile. No outpouring of concern for their fellow Amude wallah. Tsk, tsk.
The country is entering the decisive second 100-day phase of rule by the non-elected President, Ranil. Amude needs to find means to extricate him from the ethical pile of poop before he becomes another one of Ranil political road kill. There are some obvious ways for Amude to obtain immediate relief. Amude could:
• Merge Transparency International Sri Lanka with the United National Party and rename it Hypocrites National!
• Having being exposed for being a groveling weasel, change his surname to WeliAmude. Amude sends a clear message of exposure to the elements.
• Explain to the public that he is a tart for good governance and his services as a tart should be compensated.
• Explain to the public that his asking rate to be bought is only Rs.1 million per probe. Tell the public that he is cheap and a proper lawyer would have cost five times as much. And say that some of those lawyers (not the UNP ones) are capable of forming independent opinions unlike him. Lay it out in the open
• Disclose to the public whether or not the top men at SriLankan Air are considering retaining him as their attorney because he is so cheap. Try to get at least one of them to publicly acknowledge that he is a cheap, sniveling hypocrite. That will go a long way towards gaining some sympathy from the hostiles.
• Declare that he has decided not to seek the position as the head of North Korea’s propaganda unit because the Koreans are on record as saying, “Cheap things no good. Good things no cheap”.
• Get Ranil to make a statement declaring that there is a dearth of transparently partial kangaroos in the market and as a result the asking price of one has gone up exponentially.
• Plead with Finance Minister Saradiel K to assure that all UNP lawyers appointed to ridiculous and meaningless probe committees will be paid an Rs.1 million stipend regardless of the duration of the probe. Encourage Saradiel K to name the stipend the Amude Allowance to ridicule you. Now that Saradiel K has escaped justice, again, he will most likely oblige or at a minimum appoint you to a post you are eminently unqualified for. Nothing wastes public funds like a meaningless probe or an incompetent relative.
• Get Deputy Minister Sherlock Thambaya to do his usual lying like a rug in public act and say that WeliAmude is a god fearing born again lawyer with a conscience and the WeliAmude he barely knows is not a crook (just like Richard Nixon)
The man about to be christened as WeliAmude will find it difficult to reclaim all of his former self-righteousness and pomposity considering the ridicule factor etched in the public’s conscience, but he has nothing to lose by retreating to the comforts of whimpering in public.
Sudat Pasqual is the Incompetent Authority on Irrelevant Implausible News, Kekirilanthaya