www.britain magazine. com

David Cameron’s Conservatives have got a clear majority in the House of Commons, kind of  Tories did well in England, Wales and Northern Ireland. In Scotland, the Scottish National Party (SNP) used the Tories to mop the political detritus, and then polished the floor with Labor.  Stillbrilliant, considering the pukka sahibs, and think-tankers were saying the Tories were as likely to win the election as the English cricket team the next Ashes.

Nobody saw this coming. Not the pundits, not the Tory supporters, not Ed Tablet Milliband and most certainly not the incumbent Prime Minister. No one saw this abomination in the horizon except the voters. Voters are a fickle bunch on best of days and should not be left on their own for long.  This proves it.

I think it is fair dinkum that Milliband is calling for blood tests of all who voted for the Tories. He thinks most were under the illusion that the British Raj is still going strong.  Millipede has a point.

Somebody’s cuckoo, that’s for sure.  All points to the voter.
Everybody was in the hung Parliament mode prior to the election.

It will be hung like Labor; no, it will be hung like the Conservatives; the SNP will hang it on Labor; blah, blah. At the end of the day, there was one man who was well hung; David Cameron. In fairness to the Scottish lass, she’s got some cojones as well but of a different hue. We’ll get to that later.

Poor Millipede;  Poor Cleggy; Poor Fargy; and poor Galloway. No Respect.

In the end, Camy will rule England, Wales and Northern Ireland and the SNP will rule Scotland. Those Scots like their politicians with fishy names that are for sure. Alex Salmond almost got the independence and now Nicola Sturgeon wins for the SNP. Maybe the Tories and the Liberals need to concentrate on getting a leader with a name like Spratt, Pickeral, Mackerel or Puffer. They couldn’t possibly do worse.

It is likely that the Scots will require the English to apply for visitor visas and the English might boycott scotch whiskey. Well, the former maybe but the latter unlikely considering that all major decisions such as invading foreign countries are taken while gulping copious amounts of malt. There is talk that Cameron will introduce Haggis as a staple at 10 Downing Street and there is also talk of him getting snookered on Single Malt every fortnight as a show of pandering to the Sturgeon. On the down side, if Haggis becomes a staple at 10 Downing Street, it is likely that the Cameron children will opt out and become wards of the state.

Poor Millipede, though the eeejit asked for it by doing his Moses/Charleston Heston imitation with that tablet thing and speaking with a phony accent that would not be tolerated on a B movie. Then he went and got himself interviewed by a comedian who doesn’t vote. This mush head should get a big fat L tattooed on his forehead. On the positive side for the Miilipede, he could probably get a job as an advisor to Sri Lanka’s United National Party whose leader has lost more elections than Labor has in the whole post-World War II period. Misery loves company and who knows Ed might be able to pick up a few pointers to from RanilWickramasinghe on how to be even a bigger clown on the election circuit.

Then there is that Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg of the Liberal Democrats. Cleggy boy was last seen with a litre bottle of El Capo tequila, a shot glass, a shaker of salt and some sliced limes singing nursery rhymes and shouting “not fair!” Police will comb the dumpsters near Clegg’s home before declaring an amber alert.

George Galloway, who loves to hate all things Jewish has lost his mostly Muslim West Bradford seat. Cameron says he is concerned about ISIS’ reaction to this latest setback for the Caliphate.  There is a good possibility that Galloway’s Muslim brotherhood will spike the olive oil supply with pomegranate seeds or consider a walk to rule on their falafel carts.

Nigel Farrage, the leader of the UK Independent Party, lost. Farrage will likely head to the American south and take over as the Grand Cukoo of one of the chapters of the Ku Kluxers. Those kluxers deserve a knucklehead with a posh sounding accent.
Thanks Scotland. Isn’t democracy a blast? I say we give it a twirl in Sri Lanka ‘cos we’ve got better clowns and a bigger tent.